Day 1

     I sometimes wish I were a real life insomniac because it's during those blissful super early morning hours that I feel like I can accomplish anything! I'm rather new to the whole "stay at home mom" job and I just can't seem to organize my days. For example it takes me about 5 hours to get the house dusted because I'm having to stop what I'm doing to feed, do a diaper change, or just play with my incredibly adorable five month old son. I also tend to tell myself that my jobs are NOT going anywhere and I AM a stay at home mom now, so I have many days to accomplish what I can put off today. I realize that's not a positive way to look at my situation but I really don't care. My 5 month old isn't my only child..I have a ten year old son who just headed off to middle school and I have a seven year old daughter who just started second grade. I literally jumped for joy when my schoolagers headed back last week! Now I find myself looking back at a wasted summer with an ache of regret embedded in my heart. Besides the weeks when the kids were at Bible camp, weekends at the cabin, or staying at Grandma's two hours away, we didn't do much. This was my first summer as a stay at home mom and I blew it. I can simply say it was because I had the baby as an excuse for not doing much, but deep down I know the truth. I don't know how to be a mom. For the last 9 years of my life I was always working or attending college full time as a single mom while my children were taken care of by my sister who runs a daycare or by grandma's and grandpa's. My time slot with them was so narrow that they called me auntie or grandma when I did get a few hours in the evenings with them..and it broke my heart. In February of 2007 I met an amazing man who is now my husband! We married in August of 2009 and found out we were expecting in August 2010. I quit my job as a collision center parts manager a month later & waited impatiently for the arrival of our little one. The kids had started school so I considered myself a "stay at home nothing" until our little guy arrived in April, then I could really consider myself a "stay at home mom". I was so excited for the kids upcoming summer vacation because I could do anything I wanted with them and we would have a blast! Summer came and I didn't know what to do with them. We tried the park and the beach but it was difficult going to public places for long with a solely breastfed baby. When it came to time at home, I spent much of the summer trailing behind the kids and picking up their constant messes or trying to get the baby back to sleep after a screaming mouth ran tattling down the hallway and woke him. My first summer as a stay at home mom wasn't a very delightful one like I had pictured. My sister was the person who did crafting projects with them and knew how to positively entertain them-not me. These days I'm pondering how I'll survive not having a job for 5 years, as a telecommunications technician my husband doesn't want our son going to a "filthy and germ-filled daycare". He's been in "way to many nasty daycares to want that for our son". I can get a part time job when out little guy heads off to school.Right after we married we bought a house in the town my husband is employed in, which is two hours from everything I've ever known, including the help of my sister and her daycare. She's the only person I would trust to care for my babies so I need to figure out how this "stay at home mom" thing works, before I lose my mind. I could handle the 7am-5pm work schedule because I was so used to the hustle and bustle. I would come home on my lunch break to throw in a load of laundry and shove it in the dryer as soon as I got home, I had a strict schedule that didn't allow time for lounging around. Now I have everyday, all day long to get stuff done and I don't feel like doing crap because as I mentioned earlier I have all day to accomplish what I can put off until tomorrow. I need to change my thinking and figure out what other stay at home moms do to bury their day in. I'm sure it's not blogging but this is kind of my way to keep track of my motherly blunders so I can hopefully learn from them. To all of you moms out there..you should let your children know that orange jello does NOT make for a good tan BEFORE your child plasters it all over their face and the bathroom sink,lol. I recently learned this and that's my blunder for the day!